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Veterinary grief support has come a long way since the field emerged in the mid-1980’s. Then, grieving clients were often thought of as “overly sensitive,” and providing pet loss support was considered extreme. Today, providing end-of-life care via Client Comfort Rooms, veterinary hospice programs, and client-present euthanasia is standard practice.
The commitment to providing grief support for clients is due, in large part, to a growing recognition of the role the human-animal bond plays in people’s lives. Pets are often described as being like children or best friends, and the benefits they provide, such as emotional comfort, constant companionship, and unconditional love, are now widely recognized.
The values and beliefs we hold about our pets have changed our relationships with them. In turn, the pet-family bond has changed the daily practice of veterinary medicine. Today, pet owners know it is acceptable and healthy to express the love they feel for their pets and to grieve when their pets die. They expect the members of their veterinary teams to help them through this grief.
A Significant Loss
The death of a pet is often viewed as a significant and emotionally painful loss. The grief and the life disruptions experienced are described as being on par with the loss of a close friend or family member. One study examined the grief responses of more than 200 middle-aged couples who had reported the death of a pet within the past three years. As part of this study, 48 life events were reported, including the death of a spouse, divorce, marriage, loss of children, an arrest, loss of a job, and the death of a pet. Researchers found that the death of a pet was the most frequently reported “trauma” experienced by the couples participating in the study. Survey participants said the death of a pet was less stressful than the death of a human member of their immediate family, but more stressful than the death of other human relatives.
Pet Loss and Veterinary Grief Support
The impact of pet loss on human bereavement and the veterinary profession has been studied. Popular literature also exists telling pet owners how they can deal with grief after their pets die. However, there is relatively little information available for veterinary practice teams wishing to learn how to support grieving pet owners directly and help them cope with end-of-life issues such as decision-making surrounding euthanasia. Since providing skilled, sensitive communication and support is almost a clinical requirement today, this is a significant gap–one that our Veterinary Wisdom Blog and our Resource Center is intended to fill.
According to grief expert Murray Colin Parkes, “It is important for those who attempt to help the bereaved to know what is normal.” Developing an understanding of what normal grief looks like, as well as learning how to be comfortable with open (and sometimes dramatic) expressions of grief, helps you feel more confident about helping your clients manage their symptoms of grief. The article from our Resource Center, “What Normal Grief Looks and Feels Like“, provides an overview of the many ways normal grief can be expressed. A brief description of normal grief follows.
Normal Grief
As you begin to play a more active role in your clients’ experiences with companion-animal death, you will find that most people know very little about coping with grief. You will also find that what they do know, or think they know, is often inaccurate.
Research suggests that what people say and do during bereavement is often based on the myths and misinformation about grief that are passed along in families from generation to generation. One of the most damaging of these myths is that the “right” way to handle loss is to be strong and stoic, never allowing grief to show. Another damaging myth is that staying busy and keeping one’s mind off loss is the “right” way to quickly feel better and eventually recover. To avoid reinforcing these beliefs, it’s important to become knowledgeable about the normal, healthy grieving process.
Defining Grief for Veterinary Grief Support Purposes
Loss and grief are two of our most common human experiences. However, until recently, conversations about loss, death, and grief have been taboo and viewed as morbid or morose. Thus, grief experiences haven’t been openly discussed and shared. So, we haven’t built a common base of knowledge about the experience. Shared or not, the truth is that we actually know a great deal about loss and grief. Let’s begin with some definitions.
Loss is defined as an ending or as a point of change or transition. Grief or mourning, is the natural and spontaneous response to loss, the normal way to adjust to endings and changes. It is a process, not an event, and is necessary for healing emotional wounds. It can take a long time to grieve a significant loss. There is no specific time frame in which the grieving process is completed. In fact, normal grief may last for days, weeks, months, or even years, depending on the circumstances of the loss. If this process progresses in a healthy manner, grief lessens in intensity over time.
It’s Different For Everyone
Everyone has a unique response to loss, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. Mourning can take different forms according to a person’s age, gender, culture, and life experiences.
For instance, children can grieve just as deeply as adults, but, because of their shorter attention spans, they do so more sporadically. Children most often express their grief through behaviors rather than words. They act out their grief through behaviors through artwork, play behaviors, or expressions of anger and irritability. Until they reach the age of eight or nine, children do not possess the cognitive development and language capabilities necessary to verbally express grief. However, their inability to verbalize grief should not be misconstrued for not feeling it. The loss of a pet is the first loss many children experience, and the confusion and emotional pain caused by it are very real.
Although grief is expressed in different ways, if it is progressing normally it does follow a fairly predictable course. There is an initial, acute phase of shock, despair, or denial; one or more middle phases of emotional pain and suffering; and a final phase of recovery. As a veterinary professional, it is more useful for you to have a basic, working knowledge of the normal symptoms of grief than to have a great deal of theoretical knowledge about how grief progresses. This is because you are more likely to see your clients’ grief when it is in the early, acute phases (e.g., during a medical emergency or immediately following a euthanasia) than you are to see it in the middle or final stages.
For more information about veterinary grief support and connecting with clients, check out our Veterinary Wisdom Resource Center, Support for Veterinary Professionals, or sign up for our eNewsletter.
Keep up the good work,
Laurel Lagoni
Co-Founder
World by the Tail, Inc.