This is Part 13 of our Support Protocols for 14 Common Situations series. The cases described in this series are drawn from everyday scenarios found in general veterinary practice or emergency and specialty practices. Below you’ll find an example of a type of case you’re likely to encounter in practice. This blog’s subject is a case involving other pets’ grief.
Situation: Other Pets’ Grief
It’s Mr. Taylor’s first visit to your clinic since Mack, his golden retriever, died. Today, he’s here for a wellness check for Nellie, his black lab. He says, “You know, Nellie has been acting strange ever since Mack died. She won’t eat or drink unless I stand right next to her, and she’s torn up the carpet in every entryway of our house. Is it possible she’s upset about Mack being gone?”
Assessment: What’s Going On Here?
Animals in the same household often develop strong bonds with one another and, when separated, can exhibit stress reactions like the ones described above. The grief responses of companion animals have not been scientifically studied as of the original writing of this text, but dozens of anecdotes describing similar behaviors of surviving pets have been reported. Some of the hallmark characteristics commonly thought of as “grief” in companion animals are listed here:
- Anxiety, restlessness, or a need to stay close to the owner
- Changes in eating, drinking, sleeping, or exercise habits
- Signs of depression, such as heavy sighing or lack of interest in usual activities
- Destructive behaviors
- High-pitched distress vocalizations (especially in young animals)
- House soiling
- Searching the year, house and other familiar areas for the animal that has died
Many of the “grief” expressions displayed by companion animals seem similar to those of human grief. However, there can also be a complete absence of symptoms in a pet following another pet’s death. For this reason and others, “grief” displayed by animals cannot exactly be equated to human grief.
Some clients want to let their surviving pets see and even smell the body of a pet who has died. In fact, some even want to bring their surviving pets to their dying animal’s euthanasia. Although there is no scientific evidence that this has any effect on surviving animals, it is sometimes helpful to clients. If your clients feel strongly about involving their pets in this way, why not encourage them to do so? Agreeing to accommodate requests like this can help clients trust you to provide the kind of grief support that is exactly right for them.
Plan: Support Protocol for What to Say and Do
Lay the Foundation for Supporting Other Pets’ Grief (Step 1)
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Acknowledge
Acknowledge that it is possible for animals to grieve for one another, and validate your client’s concern for his or her surviving pet. You might say, “I think it’s very possible that Nellie misses Mack. I’m sure it’s difficult for you to see Nellie so lonely and upset all the time.”
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Normalize
Normalize your client’s concerns. Use self-disclosure if you’ve experienced a similar situation by saying, for example, ” You know , many of our clients tell us about situations similar to yours. When my pet Celia died, my other pet, Millie, went through the same kind of adjustment you’re describing.” Some clients feel foolish when they assign human characteristics to their animals. Therefore, they are likely to find your nonjudgmental validation of their observations very supportive.
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Educate
Educate clients about what may happen in the household if there are two or more surviving pets–for example, a new “alpha” may be established and the “pecking order” of the household may change as the remaining pets adjust to the death of their former companion. One tool you may find helpful for this step is our Helping Pets Grieve Educational Enclosure.
Implement Support Techniques for Other Pets’ Grief (Step 2)
Educate clients about normal animal behaviors, such as pack behavior and separation anxiety. Based on what is known about separation reactions and animal behavior, some logical assumptions about modifying or minimizing an animal’s negative behaviors can be made. You might suggest that clients try the following:
- Keep the surviving pets’ daily routines the same. Animals usually respond well to environments that are predictable, familiar, and consistent.
- Try not to inadvertently reinforce or reward negative behavior. For example, if a pet learns that anxious pacing results in repeated invitations to snuggle on the forbidden couch, the pet may be more likely to continue the anxious behavior.
- Provide pets with positive reinforcement, such as attention and affection, when they are behaving in desirable ways. If Mr. Taylor allows Nellie to dictate the conditions of when and how she will eat, he will only reinforce the undesired behavior. Instead, he could offer Nellie a special treat or food when she eats where and when he wants her to. You want to catch the pet doing something right and then reinforce that desired behavior.
- Watch for changes in the dominance hierarchy when there are two or more surviving pets. This is particularly true if the pet who died was the dominant animal because the remaining animals often begin to compete for the dominant spot in the pecking order. The competition may involve growling, hissing, and even fighting, but the attacks usually do not result in injury. For the most part, help your clients understand that they should not punish their animals, but let them end the skirmishes on their own.
- Refrain from adopting a new animal “friend” for the surviving pet. This strategy usually backfires and there is no guarantee that any two animals will form a close, friendly relationship.
Stay Connected through Follow-up Care (Step 3)
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Make Referrals
If the problems are serious or persist, refer clients to a veterinary or certified animal behaviorist or to a qualified animal trainer.
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Examine Other Pet
Suggest that your client bring the surviving pet into your clinic for a physical examination to rule out any medical conditions that may be causing the behavior.
Other Pets’ Grief: Role-Play Ideas
- For hospital managers and client care specialists: Practice talking with Mr. Taylor about his concerns for Nellie over Mack’s death. Offer support and normalize his emotions.
- For veterinary technicians: Act out a situation in which Mr. Taylor asks you point blank, “Do you think Nellie is grieving over Mack?” Practice what you would say and how you would approach the conversation.
- For veterinarians: Respond to Mr. Taylor’s concerns about Nellie and how he thinks Mack’s death has affected her. Practice what you would say if Mr. Taylor asked: “Do you think Nellie is grieving for Mack? If so, what can I do to help her?” Provide support and follow-up.
Keep up the good work,
Laurel Lagoni
Co-Founder
World by the Tail, Inc.