This is Part 11 of our Support Protocols for 14 Common Situations series. The cases described in this series are drawn from everyday scenarios found in general veterinary practice or emergency and specialty practices. Below you’ll find an example of a type of case you’re likely to encounter in practice. This blog’s subject is a case involving helping seniors with pet loss.
Situation: Helping Seniors
Situation: Helping SeniorsMrs. Franklin is an elderly woman who lives alone and has been a client of yours for many years. Her beloved dog, Toby, whom she refers to as her “one and only companion,” is dying from kidney disease. You talk with Mrs. Franklin and she decides to euthanize Toby. She tells you that once Toby is gone, she’ll be “completely alone.” You gently touch her arm and say, “I can see that this is going to be a difficult time for you, Mrs. Franklin.” She nods and then adds, “I don’t have anyone to help me with Toby’s body. Would you consider coming to my house and burying him for me?”
Assessment: What’s Going On Here?
Mrs. Franklin is facing a difficult predicament, but it is not an unusual one. Like many senior citizens, she lacks physical strength, has a minimal support system, and does not know where to turn for help. Naturally, she turns to the veterinary team member who has been most involved in her pet’s care.
As people age, their physical strength and stamina decline. This may make them incapable of undertaking all the activities they did in their younger days. Memory losses due to aging or disease can also occur. Retirement may bring a change in standard of living. Older people living on fixed incomes may not be able to afford treatment for their pets. They may be forced to make life-and-death decisions based on finances. They may also have lost the majority of their emotional support network. Spouses and friends may have died, and children and other relatives may live far away. As a result, older people may need extra support, time, care, and understanding when their pet is ill or has die.
To help them fill in the gaps, you can keep a reference list of resources in your community for senior citizens. This could include transportation services, drugstores and pet shops that offer senior discounts. Also, look for social service agencies or volunteers who are willing to assist seniors with unexpected needs.
Plan: Support Protocol for What to Say and Do
Lay the Foundation for Helping Seniors (Step 1)
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Setting the Space
Structure the environment so older clients can be safe and comfortable during their pet’s appointments. Examples include altering seating arrangements for greater comfort and adapting walkways to make it easier to move in and out of the exam room. Have tissues and water on hand. Minimize noise as much as possible so clients can focus with fewer distractions.
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Be Aware of Past Experiences
When helping seniors, be aware that elderly pet owners may have had numerous experiences with pet death, companion-animal euthanasia, and viewing bodies over the years. Unfortunately, those situations may have been poorly handled, leaving the elderly owners skeptical about your offers to provide grief support. In these cases, their current decisions (not to be present at euthanasia, not to view the pet’s body) may be based on outdated information and previous negative experiences. With gentle persistence and education, you may be able to give them a new, much more positive experience with pet loss.
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Special Consideration
Respect the years of learning that elderly people have. Remember they are all individuals. Each with their own levels of education, life experiences, and mental and physical competencies. Don’t assume older clients need special consideration until you have asked them directly or observed a decline in their functioning for yourself. Remember, too, that because of generational differences and social climate in which they were raised, elderly pet owners may have more discomfort with the open expression of emotion than do younger clients
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Multiple Pets
Encourage elderly clients to consider enriching their lives by having more than one pet if they are so inclined and able to care for them. This can provide additional happiness, relief from loneliness, and critical support after one of the pets in the home has died.
Implement Support Techniques for Helping Seniors (Step 2)
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Resources for a Support Network
Be sure to lay the groundwork and have a list of volunteers who can help seniors with special tasks. You can then assure someone like Mrs. Franklin that people will be available to help her. You could say, for example, “Don’t you worry, Mrs. Franklin. I know of a lovely service club whose members have volunteered to help with things like this. I’m sure they would be willing to come and help you bury Toby when the time comes, if that is what you would like to do.” Then you can tell her about other body-care options, such as cremation. You can also ask her more about what things will be like when the beloved pet is gone. Use your support skills to help prepare her for this change in her lifestyle.
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Repeat and Write Out Important Information
Older clients may be hard of hearing or may need extra time to understand what is being said. So, repeat information several times, if necessary. It may also be helpful for you to write out information or instructions. Some elderly people may have a harder time remembering detailed information once they leave your clinic. Older persons living alone may want to call a relative or friend to help them make a decision about the pet’s care.
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Discussions about Death and Dying
Older clients may reminisce about the past and engage in conversations more than do people in other age groups. Them may tell you about the other pets or family members who have died. Discussions may also include comments about their own health or the acknowledgement that their own life is drawing to a close. If you can, schedule a bit more time for these appointments and don’t trivialize the importance of these conversations. Older people are often lonely and benefit from honest, open conversations with another human being. Discussions about death can also be helpful, when they arise, and may provide older people with an important but rare opportunity to tell someone how they feel about aging and dying.
Although thinking about death may sound morose to younger people, these conversations are actually comforting and helpful to older people. When clients say something like “I suppose I’ll be dying soon, too,” a response like “Oh, Mrs. Franklin, you’ll live forever” is not helpful. Avoid brushing off the comment or changing the subject. Instead, try saying something like “Well, Mrs. Franklin, when you do die — and I hope it’s not for a very long time — I will miss you.”
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Unresolved Grief
For older pet owners, companion animals are often symbolically linked with deceased loved ones. Perhaps the dog now dying was an anniversary present from a spouse who has died. The elderly cat may have belonged to a deceased sibling. Many older people have not fully grieved all of their losses. Thus, when an older person is faced with the death of a companion animal, it is likely that some unresolved grief will be triggered, as well as fears and anxieties about the person’s own death. Keep your referral list handy and help older clients find resources that are appropriate for them.
Stay Connected through Follow-up Care (Step 3)
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Checking In Regularly
Companion animals have a positive effect on the physical and emotional well-being of older people. In fact, relationships between pets and the elderly have been shown to be so beneficial that laws have been changed nationally to allow elderly pet owners to keep pets in retirement centers, nursing homes, and federally funded public housing. If pets provide significant health benefits for older people, the deaths of pets most likely affect their health as well. Check in with your older clients as often as you can after they’ve lost a pet.
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Encouraging Adoption
Although replacing a pet is not an effective remedy for grief, there are so many benefits of pet ownership for seniors that, in this case, it may be a good idea. If it is appropriate for your older client to adopt another pet, you might recommend a specific breed that you think would fit the individual’s abilities and lifestyle.
Helping Seniors: Role-Play Ideas
- For hospital managers and client care specialists: Using the above scenario, practice talking with Mrs. Franklin about Toby’s illness and what things will be like for her when Toby dies. Practice your support skills while maintaining your professional boundaries.
- For veterinary technicians: Practice how you would support Mrs. Franklin and answer questions that she may have about Toby or the euthanasia. Make appropriate referrals.
- For veterinarians: Using the above scenario, practice supporting your client and answering her question about burying her dog for her. Use your verbal and nonverbal communication to support her while preserving your professional boundaries. Practice making referrals for support.
Keep up the good work,
Laurel Lagoni
Co-Founder
World by the Tail, Inc.
