This is Part 14 of our Support Protocols for 14 Common Situations series. The cases described in this series are drawn from everyday scenarios found in general veterinary practice or emergency and specialty practices. Below you’ll find an example of a type of case you’re likely to encounter in practice. This blog’s subject is a case involving pet parents adopting new pets.
Situation: Adopting New Pets
Mrs. Swenson and her family recently euthanized their beloved cat, Bruno. The entire family has been grieving, but now the children are starting to ask about the possibility of adopting a new cat. Mrs. Swenson tells you about the situation. She is unsure if she is ready for a new cat. She asks for your opinion about what she should do and what she should tell her children.
Assessment: What’s Going On Here?
After a companion animal dies, many clients need time before they are ready to adopt a new pet. They may feel confused, guilty, and even angry when other people suggest it. It is not unusual for them to come to you for support. When a family instead of a single person is involved, as with the Swensons, the situation is complicated by the fact that different people are ready to take this step at different times. The grieving process is a very personal matter, and people in the same family may feel ready for a new companion animal at different times.
Plan: Support Protocol for What to Say and Do
Lay the Foundation for Adopting New Pets (Step 1)
Pet owners usually experience one of four basic reactions to the idea of adopting a new companion animal:
- They vow never to adopt a pet again.
- They vow to adopt a new pet as soon as possible.
- They resign themselves to a period of grieving before they adopt a new pet, and then feel guilty when they finally bond again with a new companion animal.
- They allow themselves the time they need to truly grieve, and then adopt a new pet when they feel ready to begin again.
When a client’s pet has died, try to determine which category the client falls into so you can provide appropriate support.
Implement Support Techniques for Adopting New Pets (Step 2)
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Listen
This issue of adopting another pet often comes up in the follow-up calls made by a veterinary team member after a pet’s death. Use the various communication skills you have learned (for example, active listening and paraphrasing) to help your client consider this option. Active listening is important because you may be able to discern whether the client is truly ready for a new pet.
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Educate
Educate the client about the reasons people usually have for wanting to adopt or not adopt a new pet following the death of another.
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Support Responsible Decision Making
Use your experience and skills to help clients think through the consequences of a decision they may make in haste.
When the client is ready to adopt a new pet, assist him or her with the decision if you have the opportunity to do so. For example, you could suggest certain breeds that my be compatible with the client’s lifestyle, answer questions about breeds, or provide printed materials or videos to view.
Stay Connected through Follow-up Care (Step 3)
- It is not uncommon for pet owners to feel guilty once they have adopted a new pet and realize that they love it as much as they loved the one that died. Intense feelings for a new pet often make clients feel they are being disloyal to the pet that has died. You can help clients sort through their loyalty conflicts by letting them know that love is unlimited. Human beings are capable of loving more than one being at the same time, both living and dead. Clients also need to understand that they do not have to make a choice between loving the new pet and love the pet that died. Instead, they can choose to love them both, in slightly different ways, just as parents can love more than one child.
- If a client is feeling guilty and disloyal about bonding with a new pet, you might also suggest “introducing” the new pet to the one that died by showing the new pet a photo of the former one, and talking out loud to the new pet about the former pet’s habits and personality. This suggestion might sound silly, but pet owners who follow through usually feel relieved that they don’t have to “choose” one pet over the other. They realize that they can continue to love the pet that died while bonding with the new pet in their lives.
Adopting New Pets: Role-Play Ideas
- For hospital managers and client care specialists: Practice talking with Mrs. Swenson about her concerns over adopting a new pet. Normalize her emotions and answer her question about what you would do. Recruit other staff to practice dealing with an entire family who cannot all agree on the right time to adopt a new pet. Practice normalizing their emotions for themselves and for others.
- For veterinary technicians: Normalize Mrs. Swenson’s feelings and talk with her about the reasons many people have for adopting new pets. Carefully try to find out what the motivation is for different members of her family.
- For veterinarians: Educate Mrs. Swenson about the motivations people have for wanting to adopt a new companion animal. Let her know that it’s perfectly normal for family members not to agree about this at the same time. Gently help her explore what she thinks is motivating her children to want a new cat, and offer her support and follow-up assistance, including what to say to her children.
Keep up the good work,
Laurel Lagoni
Co-Founder
World by the Tail, Inc.